Fried Shrimp for Christmas
by black-ice-alchemist
Summary: Roy's in a bad mood because he has to work on Christmas Eve, and Ed's not helping...what happens when Roy's control snaps? Hey, is that SMOKE I smell! Bad language. It's EDWARD ELRIC for cryin out loud!


**F****r****i****e****d****S****h****r****i****m****p****f****o****r ****C****h****r****i****s****t****m****a****s**

Who could _possibly_ be cruel enough to make someone _work_ on Christmas Eve?!

_Apparently _Roy's superiors. Stupid bunch'a scrooges.

This was a day where he should be out having fun with his friends! Normally he'd probably be at a bar with Hughes, Havoc, and Riza by now. But _nooo_, he had to be stuck _here_ of all places, in this _stupid_ office in this _stupid_ military building because of his _stupid_ superiors.

Needless to say, Roy Mustang was pissed at the world.

And to top off his _wonderful_ day, _Edward Elric_ was coming to give report today. And he was already late. _Two hours_ late, to be exact.

So, to pass the time, the dark haired colonel was relieving some anger by making midget Ed-like origami figures out of his paperwork and burning them to therapeutic, satisfying dust. Ah, sweet pyromania. Who said fire couldn't have healing properties?

Although…Riza would probably end up killing him later…oh well.

Roy had managed to lose count of the number of Ed look-alikes that he had burned by the time the _real_ midget decided to make his normal flashy entrance of kicking in his poor, abused door. The blonde teen stomped his way over to stand in front of Roy's desk, looking, as usual, as if he was internally telling the whole world to fuck the hell off.

Roy really, _really_ hated his life. Today of all days, he had to deal with the hormone riddled, moody teenager that went by the name Ed. Roy sighed. Hey, at least he could have a little fun…

Pretending to ignore the already becoming impatient boy in front of him, Roy began folding himself an origami rose, all the while grinning to himself as he listened to the sound of annoyed, tapping feet. Finally the silence broke. "Damn it, you bastard!!! I _know_ you know I'm here, so _stop_ fuckin' _ignorin' me!!!_

Roy looked up, both pissed off and highly amused. "Oh, sorry," he said, trying his damndest to sound innocent, though he couldn't quite keep the humor from seeping into his voice, "I didn't see you there, Fullmetal. I'm afraid that my desk isn't short enough for you to be in my line of sight."

Ed temper: ACTIVATE.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLIN' AN ITTY BITTY SPECK OF MIDGET DUST THAT CAN'T EVEN BE SEEN WITH A MICROSCOPE?!?!"

Roy unsuccessfully stifled his laughter. "Not in so many words," he choked out, "but I believe I was referring to you. Unless, by any chance, happen to see another short loudmouth around…" "SHUT THE HELL UP!!!" Boy, the kid was _furious_. His hands were balled into fists and clenched at his side, and steam practically blew from his ears. "Damn it, just because you're so pathetic that you decide to come to _work_ for Christmas doesn't mean you have to be such a bastard! I can't help it that you're such a damn suck up that you're willing to stay here and do paperwork and sit like a little lap dog for the military!!! Grow up, will 'ya!!!"

Every word the little runt said was like a hard pinch. It hurt just enough to piss Roy off even further than he already was. Not a smart move, Ed, old boy. Not smart at all…

After a few more seconds of Ed's unknowingly suicidal rant, Roy decided he'd had enough. Without warning…he slid his special glove on, and snapped.

Instantly, the rather -not good- smell of burning hair filled the room, as a flame burst out on the golden hair on Ed's head. After a second of shock, Ed went into action. Not_ the_ _right _action however; he didn't stop, drop, and roll like everyone was taught, usually before they turned ten years old. No, he decided it was a much better idea to grab the top of his head and run around the room, screaming like a little girl.

Now, _this_ was worth being forced to go to work on Christmas Eve.

* * *

Ed awoke slowly to find himself in an unfamiliar room, in an unfamiliar bed, which happened to be stiff and extremely uncomfortable. He looked around, and each new thing his poor, still tired eyes took in made his heart sink a little further within his chest. A monitor, rail, mini bathroom in the corner only separated by a curtain, a too high up tv stand…_needles_…oh god, he was in a _hospital_!!!

He tried to jerk himself up, only to be stopped by a sharp, stinging pull to his flesh wrist….gulp…an IV. What the hell?!?! Those stupid, sneaky doctors put a _needle_ inside of his wrist!!!

It was all Ed could do to not freak out and pull the damn thing from his arm. His logic told him that he knew better than to do that, he could seriously screw up his arm, but…yeah, his fear of all things pointy and sharp that called a hospital its home was screaming, "_**GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"**_

Well, at least he could try to make himself somewhat comfortable… He moved around a bit, trying to situate himself. Unfortunately, by doing this he accidently almost knocked off an envelope that was laying on the bedside table sort of overlapping his bed. He caught it with sleep-clumsy fingers, then proceeded to stare dumbly at it. 'what the hell is this???' He thought. Curiously, he flipped it over to see the name "Roy Mustang" written in elegant, swooping letters. Since when could the bastard colonel write like that???

"Ah, he's probably written me an apology for freakin lighting me on fire," Ed said to himself, smug. Without further ado, he ripped open the envelope to see what was inside.

It was a Christmas card, one of those ones you make by bringing the picture into the store and have made. It was a picture of Ed, running around like a complete idiot, his head on fire. At the bottom of the picture it said, "Oh look! Fried Shrimp for Christmas!!!" And on the back it said "Have a Merry Christmas, from Roy Mustang."

* * *

At the other end of the hospital, where the waiting room was situated, a random nurse was filling out the paperwork for a patient. She wasn't paying attention to anyone or anything around her, just trying to get her work done so she could go home for the night and be with her brother for Christmas. The poor girl had just gathered all the papers up and was headed toward the room she was supposed to file them in, when she was startled by an ear shattering scream of, _**"DAMN IT, YOU BASTARD COLONEL!!!! I'M GONNA FUCKING MURDER YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"**_

Paper flew everywhere. Crap. Now she was going to have to restart her heart and get them all put back into some semblance of order. She bent over to start picking them up, when a pale, muscular hand brushed hers. She looked up into the most dreamy ebony eyes she'd ever seen on a dark haired man. "Excuse me," he said in a husky, alluring voice, "allow me to help you." She nodded dumbly, too in awe to speak. Without her help, the man gathered up all the paper and easily put them back in their place. He stood, held out his free hand to help her up. "My name is Colonel Roy Mustang," he said, smirking in that dead sexy way that some men had. "I was wondering if a beautiful woman such as you would like to join me for dinner Sunday evening."

Again, the woman nodded. Accepting the invitation. The man smiled. "alright then, I'll meet you at the Rose Café at 7:oo." Done deal. As the two left the hospital, Roy smirked. "Thanks, shrimpy. A beautiful date? That's a nice Christmas present."

_**The End**_

_**A/N: sorry I've been AWOL for so long…I've had a lot going on lately. Hey, remember that fic I started with Ellokin Niven? Well, big news! Ello moved in!!! woot! I actually have a god sister livin' with me!!!**_

_**ANYWAY…this is a gift to you all for Christmas. Just a joking little story. Hope you enjoy…**_

_**Ja ne.**_


End file.
